I'm watching Coffee Prince and I see a scene where the main characters cousin brings his grandmother 1,000 folded paper cranes and wishes she passes without pain. Shes in the hospital.
I wonder: If I had finished folding the 1,000 cranes would my wish have come true? I folded 600 before you left me.
I'll never know.
Feb 15. 2009
--Sometimes I wonder how I ended up in this situation. I've lost too much of myself.
-- Find me someone or something worth living for... because I'm dying a little more everyday.
-- I'm scared that if I stay this way for too long I'll end up losing the person I use to be... the person I want to be.
-- My heart aches. All the time.
Feb 16. 2009
-- I wonder if I should have held on longer rather than letting go right away. Was I too weak?
Feb 18. 2009
-- Reading old xanga protected posts. My greatest fear "Don't make me another Teo." It's exactly what you did.
Feb 22. 2009
-- You're annoyed when I bring things up again and place it in your mind. I'm annoyed for thinking about it constantly.
-- I moved out of my room a few weeks after we broke up. Since then I haven't slept in my own bed. I don't know if these two things are related. But I've been thinking about it a lot. I haven't been in my room for over 5 min at a time in a long time.
March 27.2009
--Forget her, forget her, forget her. It's not worth it.
April 04. 2009
-- I played with the idea that maybe I could say, "It's all in the past, lets be friends." I couldn't do it.
April 05. 2009
-- Nine months too late to save what died a long time ago.
-- What am I afraid of now? That you were and will always be the defining moment of my life.
April 08. 2009
-- I am a crashing train, destroying not only myself but those who get close to me.
April 12.2009
-- Reading these post I realized most of them are from times when I've tried to forgive you. I also realized, I never really did.
April 16.2009
-- I'm okay with being unhappy now that I've tried to forget times with you. Times when I meant it when I said I was.
April 18.2009
-- So I made a promise to myself I wouldn't cry until I found something that could hurt me as bad as you. It's getting hard to not break down some days, but it works when I think of you all over again.
-- "I remember hearts that beat, I remember you and me." Please God, I'm starting to get desperate, let me be free. Please.
April 22.2009
-- I don't need this broken heart, so why can't you just take it all? And I'll find someone else's to share.
April 26.2009
-- I miss bike riding.
May 05.2009
-- Another time lapse that I don't think of you. Talked to Rosey today, noticed my voice still shakes when I talk about you. Sad? I guess so.
May 11.2009
-- I thought about it and I came to the conclusion that I regret every moment I've ever spent with you. Good or bad.
-- Forgetting you would be the best gift I could ever receive.
May 14.2009
-- I miss being happy. Its been too long.
May 25.2009
-- I hate living. I hate being unhappy. I just want to forget.
-- I can't do it anymore. I can't. It hurts just to be.
May 29.2009
-- Hey, I miss you.
June 03.2009
-- Do you ever remember me and think "I was so happy with you." I do.
June 04.2009
-- Are you counting down days like I am?
June 09.2009
-- It get difficult to recognize myself in the mirror sometimes. Can you see me anymore? I don't know if I can.
June 10.2009
-- 13 days.
June 13.2009
-- The End?
Oct. 21. 2009
-- I love that I can think about you and smile. I love that I'm okay.
I hope that I'm okay.
Aug 10. 2010
--I'm different now you know? It use to be easy going through every day with you; it feels like such a struggle now.
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