Untitled- Poetry

--12.15.08
Our beginning began like all beginnings begin/
Naivety nursing on our newfound romance/
We spun our storybook wishing on stars/
Setting rules and forgotten promises as insurance for what would be our broken hearts/

Late night conversations turned to adoration/
And I remember I told you I loved you before I knew what love meant/
Heart pumping hard, with shallow breaths and balmy hands/
My nights reflected the light from the halo above your head/
Never knowing the blinding effect it left in the morning/

I awoke each day with the imprint of your smile on my mind/
And with warm whispers of your lips on mine/

Remembering the flames of a now forgotten passion/
I wander with what’s left of my memories/
Grasping at what I so forcefully pushed away/
I reach for remnants of repressed thoughts and feelings/

As my hypothetical hands hover above an open flame/
I develop a callous over my fingertips/
My ability to feel becomes reduced to a science/
Involving networks of nerves and neurons/
But never addressing the possibility that pain is no longer a factor/

Riding our rollercoaster relationship we reached the peak/
Only to spiral down and return to point zero/

Ironically I was always afraid of rollercoaster’s/
But you/
You always enjoyed them/

Missing the memories that now disappeared/
I hold a heart harder than stone/
But still small memories like bugs buried into my bones/
Programmed to play their part in post relationship reminder roles/
Scurry to my brain and haunt my new pitch black dreams/

Your old halo of light crackles broken like a discarded light bulb/
Next to your tattered wings and my tattered trust/

Standing in your living room six months ago/
I prepared myself for the inevitable disaster to strike/
I remember the tense quiet calm before the storm/
And the harsh hollow crack of my heart as you lied one last time/
Nodding when I asked if you still loved me/

Broken and battered my smile slowly sets into a face of indifference as I cut ties with daily reminders of happier times/
Heartbroken but healing I set out to be stronger still/
My first steps involved removing the now disfigured heart off my sleeve/
And returning the remainders to its rightful place inside the protective covering of my chest/
I replaced the lack luster lock with one that was password protected so that the pieces would have the opportunity to place itself back together/

Six months later the silence exchanged between us brought to my mouth, the taste of bile and bitterness/
Shaking off the shackles that suppress my sleep and my every waking moment/
I try to forgive as I start to forget/

The theory that time heals all wounds is nothing more than the fact that we forget the figures which haunt us/
As the clarity of your face becomes a blur/
I am once again able to breath, until your image invades my eyes/
I push and pull while gauging the extend of emotional abuse I can endure/

All the while hoping what I believe to be healing is not another concoction I created to cope/

As the calluses covering my fingers and cuts across my chest begin to clear/
I am reminded I am still human/
Exposing my heart through a crack the size of a pinhole/
I trace the faint outline of the stars I had first wished on/
Dimly illuminating the pitch black dreams your halo once lit/
That sliver of light shows little semblance of myself/
A smoke and mirror mask creates a fake face/
The product: a pasted on smile meant to protect myself from peoples prying eyes/

A list of ingredients sits along the forefront of my thoughts/
One broken heart, One shaky goodbye/
Two lessons taught but one lesson learned/
Two cups of experience, once closed door/
And a pinch of love lost in the mixture which I wish I could take back/

Trapped in the aroma of a relationship passed/
Your scent unwanted-ly wafts into my consciousness/
As the familiarity of my first hello dances with your last goodbye/
I exit myself to march alone down a desolate road/
Wanting to forget, so I can forgive/
So I can forget.