This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin. Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in.

--01.24.09
I wonder how much dissapointment a regular person should be able to take.
I wonder how much I'm willing to continue trying to find the good in people.
To give the benefit of the doubt.
It's not worth it, is it?
Every chance I give, is another hit I take.

I thought I'd done it.
Hit the bottom of the well. Took my scars, and I was ready to crawl out.
Then the floor gave way.
And I realized, that even solid ground can slip out from under me.

Everything comes full circle and history repeats itself once again.

I wonder. Did I just get what I deserved?

I always felt, life was full of happiness, and it only was disrupted by a sad or unhappy moment.
A ripple in the ocean of life.
Maybe I was wrong, and life is just full of disappointments; a never ending horrible television show,
Where happiness comes as commercials, in short sporadic episodes trying to sell me into buying its ads.
Happiness here! Come and get it!

But hey. We all know we almost never get it. We all know, its just a lie.

It's sad to know.
The only person you can trust, is yourself.
And even then, that's not always reliable.
Seriously though.
I give up.
I went from happy idealistic Lin, looking for the best in people.
Trying to create a Disney fairytale relationship.
To sad hurt disappointed Lin.
The one who tries to smile like he use to,
but doesn't really feel happy at all.

I'm walking through the next 5 months as if this were just a bad dream.
Someone.
Wake me up in college.
Wake me up from this nightmare.
I don't have dreams anymore...just nightmares.