Did I Make it that Easy, To Walk Right in and Out, Of my Life.

--10.24.08
It happens a lot.
Some nights I look back at what you chose to leave behind.
Don't get me wrong, I think... mentally, I'm in a better place.
But still. Every time I look back I remember.
It's never easy, each picture I flip through I see a memory.
I remember more now that I ever did when I was with you.
They say you don't appreciate something until it's gone.
Strange how I do. But you don't.
Why do I flip back and look for us.
I've deleted you off everything I could think of but you'll still be there.
Whenever I think about the worst thing that's happened to me, I picture you.
I think I held on too long while searching for what I fell in love with.

You see, I remember:
Your cute quirky comments...now sound immature.
Your kindness...frozen like ice.
Your reliability...shot.
Your honesty...gone.
Your support... nonexistent.
Your presence... now annoys me.
Your comfort...strangling.
Your morals... lost.
Your advice... hypocritical.
Your happiness... fake.
Your love... I don't know if that one was ever there.
I gave you two years of my life.
You were my first love.
Unlike you. I learned from my relationship.
I gave you everything I had.
And everyone knew you just used me up. and threw me away.
I know it most of all.

"Hope dangles on a string, like slow spinning redemption."
I kept looking for months. Hoping I'd find it.
"Riding on the fumes that sparks us, while igniting dreams."
Looking for that one snap, that'd let me soar again.

I was looking for your hand.
To hold me up. That support you use to give me.
But you never did. I guess it made me depend on myself more.
Because you wouldn't be there.

You were my best friend.
I didn't go out with you just to be your boyfriend.
I went out to make sure I'd never let you fall.
To wipe away your tears.
To talk to you about your problems.
To surprise you and make you feel special.
To tell you you were one of a kind.
To show you I loved you.

I didn't need a girlfriend after we broke up.
I just needed my best friend.
I just needed you to wipe my tears away.
To tell me we were okay.
To help me.

For all the times I went out of my way to make you smile.
You repaid me in my own tears.
And then turned around and walked away.
So you could smile with someone else.
When I needed you most of all.
You left me alone.

"Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me."