Great Companions

--12.07.08
"And our history will never be erased
You were a great companion
And some memories will never ever fade
So I love and so I hate."



I think it's time to move on.
I learned that hating you was draining me more than it could ever hurt you.
Emotionally, mentally; holding onto this grudge.
I learned why we ended finally-- I suppose you could call it closure.
I suppose.
I found it funny when I was told the reason.
It was the same reason I thought of months ago.
You got tired of me, of us.
When I heard the news, I felt...happy? Something like a victory, knowing I was right.
But afterward I just felt sad...and then angry; so angry.
I wonder if its the right way to go, if being honest, being true is the right thing to do.
It is me who messed up by being myself too much.
Or you, who learned all there was to know, and moved on.

I listened to - Human by Jon Mclaughlin before.
I guess I denied what I knew.
Your actions were "only human."
I told Kitty --Maybe I just expect too much from people,
Maybe its because I've grown and I expect them to grow too.
But we're only 17. We're so young. So why do I expect an adult relationship.
Why do I expect someone so young, to understand a pain so old.
Maybe I'm the one who's wrong.
For expecting her to feel with a heart that is too young to understand.
Maybe I expected too much.

"After all we’re only human,
always fighting what we’re feeling,
hurt instead of healing,
after all we’re only human,
is there any other reason why we stay instead of leavin’

I’m smart enough to know,
that life goes by,
and it leaves a trail of broken hearts behind."


I'm writing to say.
I'm trying to forgive you.


Kitty asked. Does it feel better now that I left it all go.
But when I think about it.
Without the anger I've held in so long.
All I feel is a constant sadness.

I'm still afraid to be hurt. But I guess that's okay.