Permanence.

Short Story.


3/22/09

The automatic door shut closed with a small “ding” as they stepped out of the air conditioned supermarket. A warm gust of air circled around them until their skin prickled with small signs of moisture. In his left hand he holds two plastic bags, in his right, her fingers wrap around his. She gives his hand a slight squeeze as they make their way across the parking lot.

They walk slowly side by side, fingers loosely intertwined. His head facing towards the ground as the large green “Waldbaums” sign drifts away from view.

Another gust of wind blows and lifts the strands of her light brown hair up slightly. When the wind dies down he looks at her again as they settle back over her shoulders. Staring at her in her light green t-shirt and light blue jeans his eyes drift to her face. He traces the outline of her cheekbones, her soft skin, and the corners of her eyes. His chest aches softly. Her brown eyes look up and catch him staring at her, staring into her eyes; she doesn’t look away.

“What are you thinking about?” she asks as they near the sidewalk. He takes a step onto the ledge dividing the parking lot and the sidewalk.

He pauses in his thoughts but continues walking. “I don‘t know.”

They walk in silence for a while longer, now stepping in tune to each other’s footfalls. The 3:00 AM conversation they had the night before plays in his mind as he slowly closes his eyes.
----
He’s sitting up in bed.

His whispers break the silence. “Why does it sound like you’re breaking up with me?”
“I’m not going to leave you.” she whispers back into the phone. “I love you, you know that.”
“Yeah... I guess.”
“You guess? What do you mean? How long has it been now? Almost a year, don’t you trust me by now?”

Her voice begins to rise.

“Then why does it sound like you want to end it?” He asks.
“I’m not. I told you that already. I just…I just wish you’d stop doubting us.”
“I know you do but I’m going to have my doubts, everyone has their doubts.”

Static crackles on the phone as she listens for more.

“How come?" She questions him. "Don’t you know me by now?”
“Because things change. Things happen and I… I don’t know what I’m saying.”
“Well tell me how am I supposed to be with you if you don’t think we’ll work out?”

He tries to gather his thoughts.

“I’m not saying that." He shifts the phone from his left hand to his right. "I just have my doubts. I guess I just have my own issues.”
“Look.” She says. “I’m not going to break up with you, ever. And if you love me you wouldn’t be thinking this way.”

“Mmm.”

He doesn’t know how to respond.

“Do you love me?” She asks him.
He doesn’t hesitate. “Yeah, I do.”
“Then that’s all that matters.”
“Mmm. Yeah.”

Time passes before she breaks the silence. “It’s getting late. We can talk about it tomorrow if you want?”
“Yeah. Alright, tomorrow.”

“Good night.”
“You too.”
“I love you”
“I love you too.”

He looks at his cell phone. The numbers 186: 25 blink on and off, the black numbers contrasting the blue background of the LCD screen. They had talked for three hours six minutes and twenty five seconds. Lying down, he flips shut the cell phone, now burning hot, and places it under his pillow. His cheek touches his pillowcase and he realizes it’s still moist where his eyes had been earlier. He flips it over to the cool side before closing his eyes for the night.
-------

“What are you thinking about?” she asks again, her voice breaking into his memory.

His eyes snap open as he returns to the present.

“Just about last night.”
“Mm. What do you think?”

They stop at a red light and he lets go of her hand, shifting the weight of the plastic bags from his left hand to his right. As a car drives past them they see their reflection briefly in the windows. He sees himself; he’s standing a foot away from her, the plastic bag between them.

The light turns green and they cross.

Staring ahead, he opens his mouth to speak. “I’m worried about us.” he says.
“Why?”
“I don’t know what’s happening between us.”
“Nothing is." She says definitively. "I love you, nothing is going to change that.”

“Mmm.”

More silence.

“Do you love me?” she asks.
“Yeah, I do.”
“Say it.” A small demand.
“I love you.”

“I love you too.” she whispers.

He stares at her again but this time she doesn’t look at him. He sighs and shifts the weight of the plastic bags back to his left hand. Taking two steps forward, he turns around and faces her.

She stops walking.

“Alright” he says, dropping the bags.

She looks up.

He smiles and places his arms on her shoulders, his thumbs touching lightly behind her. “Alright. I’ll throw away my doubts. From now on I give you my heart.” He takes his arms and pretends to rip his heart out of his chest, a silly grin across his face. “Put out your hands out.”

She places her hands in front of him.

She’s grinning too.

“Now cup them.”

Her hands cup together and he carefully places his heart into her hands.

“It’s yours now. Take good care of it.”

She looks up at him with a silly smile on her face. Her eyes twinkle with amusement and she wraps her arms around him. “You’re so corny, you know.” She buries her face into his shoulders.

“Haha yeah. I know. Just make sure you don’t break it.”

He smiles.

“I won’t.”

“Promise?”

She grabs a piece of paper and a pen out of her jeans and scribbles “I promise.” before handing it to him.

"One sec" he says; he turns around to grab the groceries when she runs forward suddenly grabbing his right hand in both of hers. He trips and stumbles as he‘s jerked forward. “HURRY UP” she yells, laughing and running already a few yards away. He grabs the bags and runs after her.

Hand in hand, they run down the street, plastic bag flying behind them.

-------

Eight months and twenty four days later.


The automatic door shut close with a small “ding” as he stepped out of the supermarket.

Reaching into his jeans he pulls out his wallet and drops his change in. He pauses to stare at the folded piece of paper in the corner of his wallet next to an old receipt and some loose change. Picking up the note, he carefully unfolds it.

To his left, the wind blows, shaking the branches of the bare trees.
He takes a deep breathe and closes his eyes, hesitating.
Waiting.

Holding the note with just two fingers, he feels the paper flap against the breeze.

A strong gust drifts in from his right and he lets go.

Standing there, eyes closed, he listens to the whistle of the wind and his own breathing until suddenly, feeling a chill, he pulls his jacket tighter around his chest. He opens his eyes, and takes one more breathe before walking home, leaving the setting sun behind him.
-------
-------

All things are temporary.